Woodworking Talk banner

1 - 20 of 48 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
611 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Here's mine. Before I begin let it be known that I have dibs on the authorized biography of Lee Collins.

She is the elderly owner and hostess of the Hughes House Bed and Breakfast in my home town, Hammond, Louisiana. When I told her at breakfast that I wanted dibs on her biography she faked a blush and said that she had been held at gunpoint twice, and I needed to know about these "shameful" episodes.

I know not how truthful or accurate are her memory or the telling, but let us not allow historical facts to ruin a good story, shall we?

Lee left her first husband, the marriage having died of boredom, and took up with a larger than life New Yorker named Harry. Harry was one of the Marines who invaded Okinawa, and was later a mercenary for Chiang Kai-Shek. So he was no stranger to risk and excitement.

This story is rooted in the greed of the Hunt Brothers, who famously tried to corner the silver market in the late 1970s. So I imagine these events took place at that time. Silver prices were going through the roof, so Harry reasoned that money could be made by accumulating and smelting 50 cent pieces, which were the only coin at the time still containing silver. The silver in the coin was worth far more than the face value, and it was still legal to smelt coins.

So Harry and Lee set out collecting as many 50 cent pieces as they could from friends, relatives, acquaintances and their own bank. They found a smelter in New Orleans who paid well enough, and they were pleased with their tidy profit. But it was small compared to all the 50 cent silver that was out there to be had. Acquiring them was the problem. Banks held most of the coins, but they didn't want to bother exchanging them for cash except for account holders.

Harry and Lee needed a story to legitimize their need for the coins, a story that would loosen the grip of small country banks. Lee concocted a yarn about how she and Harry were piloting a new door-to-door survey service for a big outfit out of Chicago, wherein they would ask residents to accept a paper copy of a consumer preference questionnaire for later completion, and immediately hand the homemaker a 50 cent piece as a sign of gratitude. And they just happen to be targeting the fare town of (insert name here) because it was such a lovely place, representative of the finest communities America had to offer. So they needed all the 50 cent pieces they could get their hands on. They really didn't want to move the pilot to the equally beautiful town 15 miles down the road. What bank teller could mess up this opportunity for her community?

Well it worked. It worked all over the Florida parishes of Louisiana. It worked in southern Mississippi. And it was still working the day they drove into - and I swear I'm not making this up - Silver City, up in central northern Mississippi. Harry and Lee pulled up to the bank with a trunk full of silver coins, cash, rifles and pistols, and their trusty German Sheppard in the back seat.

After they were given the bank's supply of half dollars the branch manager asked Lee to sit a minute and answer some questions. She provided him a phony name for herself and her Chicago company. He seemed satisfied and let them go. Then he made some calls to verify her story.

Down the road a ways she saw the blue cop car lights in her mirror. A deputy was hanging out one side of the cruiser with a gun pointed at them. She pulled over. The cops had them both spread-legged with hands on the car. They popped the trunk and low and behold there was enough coinage there to survey half of Chicago. And some interesting guns. And the dog weren't too friendly neither.

So they hauled Lee and Harry in for questioning. They were put in separate rooms and the cops were really working on Lee to break down and tell the truth, which she did immediately. Harry was telling the same true story in the other room, but they were focused mostly on Lee. Because small town people know nothing of Hunt brothers and silver markets and such, this story seemed as farfetched as the survey piloting story. What with Lee being the weaker gender they figured she would crack first and tell the TRUE true story, and they could nail Harry harder for lying to investigators.

The police got nowhere but still had nothing to hold them on. They called in the county prosecutor's office to grill Lee, who asked if she could first let the dog out of the car so it wouldn't die. Under gunpoint she tied the dog up to the first post she could find.

Well the prosecutor's office couldn't break her either. At this point somebody ran into the station. "Who's dman dog is that a barking out there? Y'all gotta move that thing. It's in front 'a the welfare office 'n nobody kin git in er outta there."

After Lee moved the dog, again under gunpoint, the FBI agent out of Jackson drove up. He listened and asked questions and listened for the longest time before finally concluding that it was the dangdest story he had ever heard, but they had to let them go because they couldn't hold them on anything and it was a credible, if incredible, story.

All Lee wanted to do was get back home to Hammond. After a few hours of fast driving, and just before they crossed the border into Louisiana...a tire blew out. And you-know-what had to be unloaded from the trunk in order to access the spare. Harry handed Lee a pistol and said, "If the cops drive up you kill the driver and I'll take care of the passenger."

Her mouth was agape. "Are you serious?" "Hell, yeah I'm serious. They know the truth and they now understand how valuable these coins are. The only reason for them to follow us is to kill us, make it look like a shoot-out, and take the money. We need to kill them first"

At that moment Lee was pondering the advantages of a boring husband.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,339 Posts
frankp said:
I don't think I can share that here... perhaps in another "Forum" publication...
Tease! ;)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,339 Posts
Laughing!

Now that would be an interesting off topic thread.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,339 Posts
That's why I was laughing. Its an interesting topic and one that I'm having trouble making up my mind on.

On one hand....., but then on the other hand.....

One thing is for sure, I don't know enough about it to come to any firm conclusions.

Anyone willing to share their thoughts / opinions on the subject can start a thread.

My participation would be limited to reading the thread and maybe an occasional question.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,339 Posts
cabinetman said:
What would...Roger and I going to Russia.?:laughing: I don't even speak Vietnamese that well.:laughing:
Sorry. My reply was out of context.

I was referring to the Snowden/National security thing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
782 Posts
The best teacher of Russian - the Russian police.
You remember Russian even if you don't speak on it.

And it is absolutely free. :laughing:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,490 Posts
I have a few stories from the Mekong Delta, but like Frank I should probably leave it alone for this forum.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
611 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
Once when my daughter was 3-4 yrs old I was holding her hand while we walked across a blazing hot black-top parking lot. She was dragging the toes of her little pink sneakers and looking at the ground pensively.

Me: "Sarah, what are you thinking about?"

Sarah: "Daddy, is asphalt a bad word?"

Me, chuckling: "No, honey, asphalt isn't a bad word."

Sarah: "Then why do you yell it at people when you are driving?"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,490 Posts
Writing Checks

I told this story before, but I just did an advance search and can’t find it so I’m assuming it was in another forum.
So I guess I’ll tell it again.

Years ago when my son was little we were shopping and he wanted a new bike. I told him he had to wait because we didn’t have the money right then, so he said “write a check”. I went through the whole explanation of how checks worked and that you had to have money in the bank to write a check. He seem ok with that and we continued on picking up groceries.

When we got to the checkout counter the cashier asked “how I was going to pay for it?” and I said Check. Then my son said in a very loud voice “I thought you had to have money in the bank”. OMG :eek:

I was so embarrassed and everybody was looking at me in total disgust. I handed her my check without a word and she put it to one of those check verification machines. I swear that I heard a huge sigh of relief from everybody in line behind me when it cleared.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
611 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
I cut a man's penis off with a dull knife in 1979.

It's not as bad as it sounds. He was already dead. Burned himself to death accidentally in a roadside campfire.

Well don't act so surprised. Somebody had to cut his penis off. Why couldn't it be me?

This post is just a placeholder. I'll finish the story tomorrow. In the meantime don't none of y'all get on my bad side.
 

·
Old Methane Gas Cloud
Joined
·
3,500 Posts
I had posted this elsewhere but it is a true story.

Before I retired, I worked in a modern office that we all would refer to as a "Cube Land". It was not unusual to have conversations over the cube walls without actually seeing the person in the next cube. It was easy to hear conversations between other people in the office.

In a window cube there was a rather witchy young lady. (I KNOW that I'm not spelling that exactly correctly.) She was rather attractive but upon getting to know her, one would realize that she was an absolutely perfect witch. The witch's great recent accomplishment was getting her boy friend to move in with her. The witch's window was her great possession and she let every one know it.

While being a witch she was also technically competent in her position. At a customer premises, the witch solved a complex problem in the customer's equipment that the customer's maintenance people repeatedly failed to resolve.

The customer, in appreciation, sent the witch some flowers. The flowers were delivered to the office. The arrangement was a rather nice bouquet with a small Teddy Bear attached. There was no name on the card (neither "To" nor "From") and the card just said "I Love You". If you've been reading, you know that the flowers were obviously intended for someone else and the florist delivery person made an error.

The witch carries the flowers from the receptionist area to her cube for dramatic effect. All the other ladies in the office are in the "oh" "ah" mode and all are asking what, why, who.... The witch reads the card and screams. Then she says, "He says that he loves me." Then the witch calls her boy friend (live in and with benefits) and starts the conversation with "I love you too."

As it is obvious to everyone reading, the boy friend didn't send the flowers, a huge argument ensues and the witch slams down the phone. After multiple calls to the florist and customer, the witch calls the boy friend back. The boy friend could not understand why a customer would send her flowers. (The witch was not above extra circular activity with customers.) Another argument ensues and the boy friend evidently hangs up on the witch.

The witch leaves the office and goes across the street for lunch. The witch comes back a few hours later, obviously having had a liquid lunch. The witch stays to the end of the work day and then goes home. The next day the witch reports to the other ladies that boy friend had moved back to his place.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,490 Posts
Wow Rich, that’s quite a story. I wish stuff like that would happen at my office. It would be an improvement over Spiderman and other superhero conversations I have to listen to each day. :laughing:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,490 Posts
...
This post is just a placeholder. I'll finish the story tomorrow. In the meantime don't none of y'all get on my bad side.
I can hardly wait. :eek:
 
1 - 20 of 48 Posts
Top