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Discussion Starter #1
Have you ever been in a situation that you have no idea how to proceed. If I go one way I lose something that I love. If I stay on the same path I have that something that I love but I'm still miserable.
I know it isn't a lot to go on but what would yall do?
 

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I think I know what your talking about. And I understand and don't know how to fix it.

But you have to think about how can you love something that makes you misserable. If your not happy, then I don't think you should stay around it.
To make a dumb example, which I always seem to do, it's like saying you love hot sauce but everytime you use it, you get a bunch in your eye. You he to decide if it's worth getting in your eye, so you can enjoy eating it.
 

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Not knowing anything about your situation or exactly what you are talking about here are my thoughts on misery.

In the short term, misery can be endured. In the long term, it can cause many negative feelings/situations which may lead to health problems both physical and mental.

Staying in a situation that makes you miserable is not healthy for you or others around you.

Losing something you love may be very difficult, but if the alternative is long term misery, it may be the right way to go.

I know it's overly simplistic, but sitting down with a pencil and paper and plotting out the pros/cons of your choices can sometimes help to clarify your decision.

I'm hoping that you can resolve your situation with the best possible outcome.
 

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Old Methane Gas Cloud
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In my life, that would be "Just go buy the new truck." :eek:
 
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Gold Coast. OZ
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Tommie, that predicament is faced daily by many happily married men. I have no idea what your worry is but if what you love is also making you miserable, it might be time to pull back and have a rethink.

Your still young, plenty of time left to get miserable later when the responsibilities keep piling on. Just make sure you fix the cause not the symptoms and remember the saying " A leopard may change its drinking hole but never its spots. "

Make sure your goals are realistic and achievable and determine just why you might be miserable. We all have issues we have to deal with, just try to make sure that you are not the main cause of yours.

Pete.

ps

I have made my first Barley fodder ( 7 days ) and success, so I can forget about it now I know its doable and put it in place in a few months when we will run out of pasture.

Pete
 

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The New Guy
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Look at the situation logically. Let's assume that you love, whatever, as much as it makes you miserable. Love = 1, Misery = -1 Stay where you are and you have what you love, but are miserable. 1-1=0. No net change. If you get rid of what you love, you won't be miserable. -1+1=0 No net change. Both roads lead to the same end, so it doesn't matter which you choose. Do you value peace, or would you prefer a mixture of emotion?
 

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HALL OF FAMER
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I have a theory in life that I pretty much stick to. Our life is divided into thirds. 8 hours a day X 3. We spend one third working, one third in our personal life and one third sleeping. If any one of the thirds is not right, it effects the other two. For example, if you hate your job, you might bring your problems home, which will effect your personal life, which could, in turn effect your sleep. If you have a terrible personal life, it could effect your work, which could effect your sleep. See where I'm going with this? My theory is this.......if any one third is out of line, fix it. If you hate your job, find another. If you hate your personal life, correct what makes it miserable. If your sleep is uneasy, explore what it is that is causing it and correct the problem.
Life is a very short period of time and being miserable is no way to go through life.
That's my 2 cents.
 

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Gold Coast. OZ
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we've all been there man. we've all had to make those decisions. they're called crossroads and there's a lot of them. you have to decide based on what you can live with. you know? there's no right or wrong answers with this stuff.

Gideon is right. No right or wrong answers here in the Crossroads of life.

Pete
 

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Been a few times where I had to make a list. Sheet of paper, line down the middle.
Two columns, = Pros & Cons
Have to focus my thoughts, like it or not, and write stuff down.
It is a Hello of a thing and a dark, dark day when you have to realize that some SOB has set fire to both ends of your bridge. You can jump or run.
I chose to run, my hair is the color of the ashes and I am just fine.
 

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Tommie,

I have no idea what your going through so the only advice I can give you is this...

Do the pros and cons thing as previously suggested.

As hard as it may be, remove the emotional component(s) from the final equation and approach the problem logically.

Build scenarios in your head for each of your options and figure out the most likely outcomes.

Looking back I find that I've made my best decisions using this approach.
 

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Master firewood maker
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enduring something that is painful day in and day out is not good for you. eventually, it will affect you in multiple negative ways.

if you can, fix what is making you miserable. but it sounds like that is not going to be possible in this case.

if you cannot fix it, then as hard as it might be to do it, the only thing that will have a chance of being good for you is to leave it behind.

you will find something (or someone) else to love that does not bring you misery.
 

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Sounds like it may be worth getting counselling about, either alone or with someone you love. I've done it and it helps.
 

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A lot of things can be addressed with good communication, which is easier said than done. We see folks that are having woodworking issues but they don't give enough info and details to make sense of what their problems are. When the details come out, a solution often follows. In personal relationships, small things that are kept inside can fester and become something more than what they actually are. Whatever your situation, not much advice can be given without the particulars. Sometimes things get tough and you want to give up, but that's often a reaction to the moment and can result in a bad decision you have to live with for a long time. Time heals a lot of issues and you can't grow if you give up, but there are times you have to fold 'em. Most things worth having don't come without work and sacrifice and they are usually a lot sweeter when you earn them.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
well guys I'm sorry for airing my dirty laundry on the forum it was just really tough for a few days. It still is but I have decided to detach myself from the situation and just deal with it for awhile and see what comes out of that. I'm going to try and think on it without emotion coming into play if that is possible and then make my decision later.
 

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I feel for you Tommie. Life has these crossroads as others have said. If you are human you will meet them.

I think Itchytoe is onto something but I'll add one more element:

Option 1
Love (1) + Misery (-1) = 0

Option 2
Loss (-1) + Remove Misery (1) + Possibility (?) = ?

For what it's worth, Frost's poem has meaning for me in this regard:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
 

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Just to be another tree in the forest, I have been in this situation before, with relationships and in other ways as well. For me, detaching myself from whatever it is bringing me "turmoil" (not always misery but heading that direction) was always the right choice. My wife and I recently had a couple of very long discussions along similar lines because she's been very unhappy about some things lately (luckily not our relationship but it has been affecting our whole family) and I told her the same thing.

Something has to change or everything will change whether you want it to or not. I personally prefer making the choice of what change is made...
 

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Had myself a tough conversation with the longtime gf that set us about our separate ways the other night. It was a tough one to come to realize but it needed to be done. So I cracked open a beer or six and hit up WWT. Saw your original post that night but didn't respond, just stalked this post a bit to see what wiser folks added.

I feel for ya in whatever your going through man. What I've always learned tho is to follow your gut. Most of the time its smarter than the brain. And stay busy and get out and around people while your doing your thinking. I find my thinking is more productive that way. And the better option isn't always the easier.

I'm not in the best of spirits today, but at least I have the cleanest front yard on the block and a lot more done on the inside of the house. :laughing: Gotta find the silver lining. Good luck man.
 

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banginonabudget said:
I'm not in the best of spirits today, but at least I have the cleanest front yard on the block and a lot more done on the inside of the house. :laughing....
Thumbs up!!!!
 
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